Dear Prospective Employer,
I'm looking for a job. I'm looking specifically for a job teaching the English language (such as is useful for students with a working fluency already) and literature published in the English language. And your school looks like one I'd really love to work at. I can't say how badly I want to work there. Or else your school looks like one I'd tolerate working at in preference to giving it all up to become a stock trader. (I hate complicated money issues, competition, and regular risk-taking. Stock trading rates below digging ditches on my potential job interests.) Sadly, I can't tell you if you're merely tolerable, and if your school is one I love, the praise sounds like flattery. There's no winning there.
Of course, I can't tell you why I'm no longer at my last job; I'm not too clear myself. The only thing I'm clear on is that it wasn't my choice, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear that. Not sure you want to hear that "I'm a potentially amazing teacher if I get some help in these areas", but it's true. I have a ton of assets that I can bring to the job. I'm just not entirely self-sufficient.
But you don't want to hear that, do you? You want to hear about my exquisite perfection as a potential employee. You want to hear about how great I am, how flawless I am, etc etc. And I guess I could brag on myself some more. Thing is, though? I'm much more aware of my faults. I spend a lot more time worrying about them.
But enough about me. Let's see what you want to know. Sadly, those of you who fall into the "love" category have not told me much; all I know is what the "tolerable" folk want to know:
Explain how you will provide ... students with the skills they need to succeed as 21st century learners, workers and citizens.
I'll teach them. Simple enough. How? Well, what skills are you concerned about? Because the first thing I think of in terms of "valuable 21st century skills" is do not feed the trolls. Of course, like all skills needed to help succeed as 21st century learners, workers, and citizens, the skill is truly applicable in any era. If you mean to ask, "What groovy new techniques do you know that we can tell people our employees have so that everyone knows we're totally hip with it?", my answer is twofold:
1. I look to teach high schoolers, not be employed by them. Please worry less about cool new technology (much of which I'm good with, btw) than ways of teaching the students. A good teacher can teach with almost no props; a bad one cannot teach with all the props in the book.
2. If you're genuinely concerned about my ability to teach and genuinely understand technology as one tool among many, please demonstrate a 21st century understanding of the available tools and their potential usefulness. I refuse to explain myself to an organization that doesn't understand why Internet research is now usually at least as valid as book research.
List your special abilities, interests, community activities, high school and/or college activities, including athletic coaching, student activities, unique or special achievements.
Activities? Really? I thought I was done with worrying about these when I finished my college applications. Ummm... I standardized test extremely well? Highly qualified general geek (some basic Trek; moderate to serious LOTR, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Firefly; can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail almost as well as The Princess Bride; a little weak on hard scifi but abundantly familiar with fantasy and medieval stuff). Knitting, religion, philosophy. Singing, especially tunes from Disney movies. Or were you just interested in my nonexistent athletic abilities and/or the National Merit/ SAT status that have proved utterly irrelevant to anything since I no longer needed a college scholarship?
I'm pleased to say that I found a site that tells the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Should I ever be king, it will be important for me to know these things.
List your professional activities, including professional or honorary organizations, research studies, publications and/or presentations.
From "questions best applicable for people just out of school", we jump to "questions best applicable for people with years in the field." N/A.
Please provide any additional job related information you wish to share.
I just want this bloody 20-page application to end. Why would I want to add anything else? Especially in the middle, when I don't know what other job-related information you're going to request? Surely it would be better to review a far shorter form and then ask these sorts of questions in an interview? Does anyone on earth read all this? Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Cite an innovative instructional practice that will engage every student in meaningful, authentic and rigorous work while motivating students to be self-directed and inquisitive learners. Describe how you will use this practice in your classroom.
...
...
So do I need to repeat points 1 and 2 from the first question you asked, do I need to repeat the "this would work better as an interview" point, or are you trying to get free labor off of hapless applicants? I wish I didn't think it was the last.
I'm looking for a job. I'm looking specifically for a job teaching the English language (such as is useful for students with a working fluency already) and literature published in the English language. And your school looks like one I'd really love to work at. I can't say how badly I want to work there. Or else your school looks like one I'd tolerate working at in preference to giving it all up to become a stock trader. (I hate complicated money issues, competition, and regular risk-taking. Stock trading rates below digging ditches on my potential job interests.) Sadly, I can't tell you if you're merely tolerable, and if your school is one I love, the praise sounds like flattery. There's no winning there.
Of course, I can't tell you why I'm no longer at my last job; I'm not too clear myself. The only thing I'm clear on is that it wasn't my choice, and I'm pretty sure you don't want to hear that. Not sure you want to hear that "I'm a potentially amazing teacher if I get some help in these areas", but it's true. I have a ton of assets that I can bring to the job. I'm just not entirely self-sufficient.
But you don't want to hear that, do you? You want to hear about my exquisite perfection as a potential employee. You want to hear about how great I am, how flawless I am, etc etc. And I guess I could brag on myself some more. Thing is, though? I'm much more aware of my faults. I spend a lot more time worrying about them.
But enough about me. Let's see what you want to know. Sadly, those of you who fall into the "love" category have not told me much; all I know is what the "tolerable" folk want to know:
Explain how you will provide ... students with the skills they need to succeed as 21st century learners, workers and citizens.
I'll teach them. Simple enough. How? Well, what skills are you concerned about? Because the first thing I think of in terms of "valuable 21st century skills" is do not feed the trolls. Of course, like all skills needed to help succeed as 21st century learners, workers, and citizens, the skill is truly applicable in any era. If you mean to ask, "What groovy new techniques do you know that we can tell people our employees have so that everyone knows we're totally hip with it?", my answer is twofold:
1. I look to teach high schoolers, not be employed by them. Please worry less about cool new technology (much of which I'm good with, btw) than ways of teaching the students. A good teacher can teach with almost no props; a bad one cannot teach with all the props in the book.
2. If you're genuinely concerned about my ability to teach and genuinely understand technology as one tool among many, please demonstrate a 21st century understanding of the available tools and their potential usefulness. I refuse to explain myself to an organization that doesn't understand why Internet research is now usually at least as valid as book research.
List your special abilities, interests, community activities, high school and/or college activities, including athletic coaching, student activities, unique or special achievements.
Activities? Really? I thought I was done with worrying about these when I finished my college applications. Ummm... I standardized test extremely well? Highly qualified general geek (some basic Trek; moderate to serious LOTR, Harry Potter, Star Wars, Firefly; can quote Monty Python and the Holy Grail almost as well as The Princess Bride; a little weak on hard scifi but abundantly familiar with fantasy and medieval stuff). Knitting, religion, philosophy. Singing, especially tunes from Disney movies. Or were you just interested in my nonexistent athletic abilities and/or the National Merit/ SAT status that have proved utterly irrelevant to anything since I no longer needed a college scholarship?
I'm pleased to say that I found a site that tells the airspeed velocity of an unladen swallow. Should I ever be king, it will be important for me to know these things.
List your professional activities, including professional or honorary organizations, research studies, publications and/or presentations.
From "questions best applicable for people just out of school", we jump to "questions best applicable for people with years in the field." N/A.
Please provide any additional job related information you wish to share.
I just want this bloody 20-page application to end. Why would I want to add anything else? Especially in the middle, when I don't know what other job-related information you're going to request? Surely it would be better to review a far shorter form and then ask these sorts of questions in an interview? Does anyone on earth read all this? Colorless green ideas sleep furiously.
Cite an innovative instructional practice that will engage every student in meaningful, authentic and rigorous work while motivating students to be self-directed and inquisitive learners. Describe how you will use this practice in your classroom.
...
...
So do I need to repeat points 1 and 2 from the first question you asked, do I need to repeat the "this would work better as an interview" point, or are you trying to get free labor off of hapless applicants? I wish I didn't think it was the last.
4 comments:
Reminds me of this scene... http://www.hulu.com/watch/242987/the-office-search-committee-part-1?c=87:158
At least you (hopefully) don't have to worry about them asking for someone with 5 years experience with 2 year old technology.
(I have 5 years of experience using Google+, the new Google facebook that's not facebook.)
lol. I know exactly where you are applying. I'm going through this bloody application myself. Jeeezum pete.
Did you note they want to send emails to your current employer on the spot, before the application is even submitted, regardless of whether or not anyone will even be interested in talking to you?
Alvastarr: Yes, I did notice. I was also concerned about the number of letters of recommendation required from people who were (1)in supervising positions (2)in the field of education - if I'd applied there straight out of school, I never would have had enough recommendation-appropriate people.
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